


Finding Home

by gaylorsmiles



Category: Makeup - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Liam Payne, Alternate Universe - High School, Arguing, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, High School, Internalized Homophobia, Jock!Liam, M/M, MUA - Freeform, Rare Pairings, Secret Crush, This is satire btw but then I got a little to invested and I apologize for that, Unrequited Crush, coming to terms with sexuality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:01:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27681917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaylorsmiles/pseuds/gaylorsmiles
Summary: James Charles develops a crush on the most popular jock in school, Liam Payne.
Relationships: James Charles/Liam Payne, Jiam - Relationship, Liam Payne/Original Female Character
Kudos: 6





	1. School Projects and an Unrequited Crush

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a joke.

James POV:   
“5:45 A.M.” my clock reads. I roll off of my bed and sigh as I walk to the bathroom to wash my face and begin my skincare routine. Today I am doing a no-makeup makeup look, foundation, concealer, brows, lashes and a nude lipstick. Nothing too crazy. That takes about half an hour and then I quickly change out of my pajamas into joggers and a cropped sweatshirt. Before I leave the house, I brush my teeth and grab my keys. I’m picking food up from Starbucks along with a pink drink. Hopefully today will be a good day.   
As I pull into the school parking lot, my stomach drops as I see Liam and his new girlfriend sitting in his car. Liam Payne is the school’s soccer captain, he’s athletic, muscular, a heart-breaker jock with good grades. The whole school practically worships him, not me though. The girl sitting adjacent to him is most blonde and skinny, most likely a cheerleader. I see them laughing. It doesn’t matter to me. My eyes roll and I exit my vehicle and walk into the building. Class doesn’t start for another twenty minutes but I just couldn’t bear watching their gross couple interactions. With nowhere else to go, I head to the main cafeteria and listen to the music on my iPhone.   
During lunch, I normally sit in some hallway alone. None of my friends have the same lunch as me and I wish to avoid making pleasantries with people I barely know. Scrolling through Instagram, I see that Hannah Alverez has posted a picture of her and Liam on her story. That must be the girl I saw in his car this morning. She’s pretty, blue eyes, and a nice smile. They make a cute couple I suppose. After that I set my phone down and begin working on geometry homework. Next period is History, and Hannah and Liam are both in that class, great! I will be subjected to their gross PDA. Now I’m getting distracted, I really need to focus on this stupid assignment.   
A few minutes pass by and two of the soccer players pass by and in an attempt to taunt me they call me a twink. I choose to just ignore them, they can insult me all they want, at least I don’t feel ashamed to express myself. It can be upsetting at times but it happens so often that it is easier to pretend I can’t hear them and focus on my assignment or phone. Lunch will be over in five minutes and the assignment is nearly done. My mind keeps wandering back to this morning and the sinking feeling in my stomach as I watched Liam in the car with Hannah. It almost feels like jealousy. That can’t be the case, I hate Liam, everyone loves him and I just don’t understand it. Plus I’m pretty sure he’s homophobic. He has never said anything homophobic to me but I wouldn’t put it past him. He can be a dick sometimes.   
My unassigned assigned seat is taken by Hannah making me momentarily glare at her before I compose myself. Fine. I’ll just sit in the very back today. It’s probably better that way but I have trouble focusing in class and would prefer to be up closer to the front. Since I’m in the back I’m forced to watch Hannah flirting with Liam. She keeps subtly touching his arms and occasionally rests her fingertips on his knee. Right now, she’s laughing at a stupid joke he made. Blood rushes to my cheeks and they are warm to the touch. I’m getting flustered. Am I really getting jealous? My mind feels cloudy and I can’t focus on the lecture. I can’t stand this. I have to get out of here. She whispers in his ear and I nearly lose it. I better not be getting a crush on Liam Payne of all people. He’s a self centered ass who probably doesn’t even know I exist, and I’m over here getting jealous because a pretty girl touched his knee. I genuinely cannot believe this. I raise my hand to go to the bathroom.   
My cheeks are bright red and I look crazy. If I wasn’t wearing makeup, I would splash my face with water from the sink to calm myself down. My hands grasp the edges of the sink and I stare at my reflection. What is wrong with me today? I have never felt like this before. Sure, I’ve had plenty of crushes on guys but normally I never get this jealous. Oh well, I’ve been in here too long. I need to go back to class. My thoughts are no clearer than before, in fact, I just have more questions. This is so infuriating. Why did my brain have to pick Liam to obsess over all of a sudden?   
Walking back into class, Liam and I make eye contact. I smile softly and return to my seat, attempting to compose myself. Maybe I will be able to handle this. I am going to actually attempt to pay attention to my teacher so that I don’t fail this class. My teacher is rambling about world war two for some reason, we aren’t even on that unit. My mind begins to wander again. What do I even like about Liam? I mean he’s pretty cute and athletic. He also does well in school and I can appreciate that. There’s just something about him, something off. Out of nowhere, I notice him briefly glance at him. He is probably thinking of some insult to call me later. I don’t want to make eye contact with him again, it will just make things more complicated and I don’t need him knowing I like him. It will just make him hate me. Ugh, I just can’t wait to get home.   
…  
As I attempt to sleep, I recount my day in my head. I’m just so confused. Why am I all of a sudden crushing on Liam? It makes no sense. He’s everything I should hate. I mean, I know I have a thing for straight men, but why him? This morning was just so weird and I could hardly focus in class because I was too busy thinking about him. I know it’s a long shot, but I just can’t help but to ask myself, is he thinking about me? Definitely not, he is the definition of heterosexuality. I cannot believe that I am actually jealous of his girlfriend. I need to sleep, this is not productive in the slightest.   
…  
Today, I am going to try to avoid Liam as much as possible. Being around him will just make things difficult. Him and his girlfriend were in her car making out when I arrived at the school. I saunter to my locker and grab my chemistry textbook. Today is going to be a long day and it’s not even the first period yet. Book in my arm and phone in my hand, I see that Hannah has posted another selfie with Liam in the background. I am so close to unfollowing her so I don’t have to see them together. It just makes me so upset. I can’t even say he deserves better because she seems perfect. She’s pretty, sweet and smart. Plus, she’s a cheerleader. That’s the worst part. I can’t even insult her. She’s everything I’m not.   
In science, we are starting a new unit and getting new lab partners. My jaw drops as it is revealed that Liam is my new lab partner. I am so freaked out. I wanted to ignore him as much as possible, and that is pretty impossible if we are going to be lab partners for three weeks! I’ve never spoken a word to him before and now I have to do a chemistry lab with him. Oh my god. He’s looking at me and I’m supposed to walk towards him. What am I even going to say? This is so hard. I can’t even say hi to him. The next three weeks are going to be hell. Is he going to make fun of me? Call me names? Or is he going to pretend I don’t exist?   
“Hi,” I say casually as I sit in the stool next to him.   
“Hey, I’m Liam, by the way.” I swoon.   
“Oh I know.” Why did I say that? Oh my god, he probably thinks I’m some sort of stalker creep. This is so embarrassing. I want to hide in a hole.   
“James, right?” He asks kindly. I nod.   
“So… Um.. We are going to need a plan to do the project. Should we meet at my house sometime?” I nervously ask.   
“Works for me. I’ve got practice after school most days, though. My house also works.” I smile and nod as he says that. “Also, we should exchange numbers.”   
The teacher begins talking and I try to suppress a grin. I know it’s stupid but it is exciting to put his number into my phone. He’s actually nicer than I expected. He kept things brief, but was still kind. Great, now I like him even more. He has a girlfriend. He’s straight. He wouldn’t like me in a million years. I know all these things but I cannot stop thinking about his golden eyes. Occasionally, I glance over at him. I want to study his face but I don’t want him to catch me staring. His hair looks so soft, I want to touch it. I obviously won’t. He gets a notification on his phone and I try my best not to peek. I bet it’s Hannah. I roll my eyes and wait for class to be done.   
…

Liam’s POV:   
Sitting in the passenger's seat of my girlfriend's Honda accord after she picked me up from practice, my mind wanders. She’s really sweet. She’s a cheerleader, which makes sense because I’m the soccer captain. Our relationship makes sense. She’s everything I could ever wish for, but something is missing. I look over at her and give a half effort smile. She looks happy and giggles as her favorite song comes on the radio. What’s not to like about her?   
“Babe, what are you thinking about?” She asks curiously.   
“Oh, uh, nothing.” I look out the window.   
“Okay, do you want to get dunkin?”   
“Not really in the coffee mood.” I sigh. “Sorry, Hannah, I just have a lot of homework to do. Can you take me home?”  
“Sure.” She pauses, “Baby, is something wrong?”   
I shrug and let her interpret that as she wishes. I’ve had a lot of girlfriends over the past few years and none of them seem to last. I want this relationship to last, but I don’t have a lot of hope. The rest of the car ride is silent. Neither of us want to talk. I’ll fix things with her later, but right now, I don’t have the energy. I would honestly rather think about school than talk to her. I have a new lab partner in chemistry and I have to talk to him when I get back home. His name is James. He seems cool, but I haven’t really talked to him before. I notice that Hannah is glancing over at me. We are on my street and she’s about to pull into my driveway.   
“Thanks.” I say and kiss her on the cheek. “I’ll call you later.”   
“Bye, Liam.” We both smile as I exit the car and walk to my front door. I turn around before I enter my house and wave at her. She smiles once more. It all feels very forced.   
“Liam! How was school today?” my mom inquires.   
“Good, just a lot of work.” I sigh as I head to my room.   
When I got to my room, I put my bookbag down and fumbled through my pockets to find my phone. I gave James my number but he didn’t give me his so I have to wait for him to text me. I don’t know why I keep checking my phone. In all honesty, my homework needs my attention and waiting for a text from James is going to distract me. In order to focus, I shut off my phone and open my laptop to begin an assignment for my English class. I’m supposed to be writing an essay about toasters. Who the fuck cares about toasters? I don’t. This is so boring. I just want to check my phone, but I know I shouldn’t. I need to work on this assignment.   
After forty-five minutes, I finally finished the first draft of my essay. Thank god. I reach for my phone and turn it on. Great. A text from Hannah. It’s hard to understand why I’m disappointed, but for some reason, I am. She’s great and perfect. Why can’t I just be happy with her? I guess I’ll reply with some half assed reply and tell her she looked pretty today. That much is true at least. What is wrong with me? I’m dating a cheerleader who really likes me and I can’t even be grateful. My thoughts are running a mile a minute. I need to take a nap. Maybe I will feel better after that. At least, I hope so. 

…  
James POV:   
I really want to text Liam but I don’t want to come across as needy and I definitely don’t want him to know I like him. It would be best to wait at least another hour. My anxiety is through the roof. Is he going to know I like him? I mean, he obviously knows I’m gay because, well, who doesn’t? Even though I am comfortable in my identity, I still feel wrong crushing on a straight guy. Ugh, I’m just so nervous. What do I even say? Well I mean I’ll say who it is. Yeah that works. Fuck it. Waiting any longer is going to kill me. I’m going to do it. I’m gonna text him right now.   
“Hi, this is James from chem.” That works. I hope. Now, I am going to wait for a response. Well, maybe I shouldn’t just watch my phone. I’m going to go do some self care. Facemasks, exfoliants, moisturizers, etc. That will calm me down. This is SO stressful. I hate it. I mean obviously, I don’t want to be needy but this isn’t just about my weird crush. We have a project to talk about. That’s what I should be worrying about. Stressing over a straight boy is honestly exhausting. I hope he doesn’t think I’m weird. It just hit me that we actually have to hang out outside of school. He has to come to my house! I have to go to his house! Oh my god. I don’t think I can handle him being in my bedroom. That is just weird. Great, now I’m panicking over that too. These next few weeks are not going to be fun.   
*DING* It’s a text from Liam. Okay, okay. Play it cool, James. I can handle this.   
“Hey, we should come up with a study plan.”   
“Yeah we should! Can you come over tomorrow after school to work on the project?” I cannot believe I just invited him to my house. What if he says no? That would be so embarrassing. Oh my god. My heart is going to beat out of my chest. My body physically cannot handle this.   
“Sounds good. I’ll come over after practice.” He’s in. He’s actually going to come to my house. I need to clean the whole house. Especially my room. What the fuck. This is insane. I need to tell my parents to be out of the house tomorrow. Not for weird reasons, they just can embarrass me sometimes. I can’t believe THE Liam Payne will be in my bedroom tomorrow. That just sounds insane. He is gonna see my room. Should I put my makeup away? No. It can stay out. If he has a problem with it I’ll make him leave. I mean, he can’t be too homophobic, right? I mean, if he’s coming over to my house. He must not be scared I’m going to hit on him. That’s good. I mean, I wasn’t gonna hit on him anyways but it’s still nice that he is being pleasant.


	2. Bedrooms and Eyeshadow

Liam is actually going to be at my house in less than an hour. I have already showered and now I’m starting on my makeup. I’m keeping it light, just mascara, concealer and lip balm. Nothing crazy. I am not trying to overdo it or impress him. I just want to have SOMETHING on. Picking out an outfit is kinda stressful because like, I don’t want to send the wrong message. I think I’ll just go with joggers and a cropped sweatshirt. That’s casual. My parents decided to go on a shopping spree this afternoon which is good, because I didn’t want them here. Last night, I cleaned basically the whole house. My room has never been this clean. Maybe I am doing too much? Probably. I’m just so impatient. This is going to be so stressful. I am going to be spending one-on-one time with him. Just Liam and I ALONE. That is too much. Whatever. It’s okay. I can handle it.   
I get a text saying he’s on his way. Take a deep breath. Okay. I go brush my teeth and then wait by the front door. I don’t want to be weird but I also don’t want to take forever to open the door. Would it be too creepy to watch for him out the window? Probably I’m still going to do it, though. I don’t even really know what we should be doing for school. Ugh. I’m such a nervous wreck. This whole day is going to go horribly and then he’ll block me and never speak to me ever again and then I’m going to have to move to an island and go into hiding. That might be a little dramatic. Oh! He’s pulling up… in his girlfriend's car. Of course Hannah is driving him here. How could I forget about Hannah?   
Watching him get out of the car and kiss her cheek stung a little but I had to be reminded of his girlfriend. He’s walking up to my door. Okay now I have to stop watching him before he sees me. Before he even rings the doorbell he texts me that he’s here. I stand up and prepare to open the door. I am so nervous. Why do I have to be so nervous? I waited for him to knock on the door and then I let him in. Ugh. He looks great. Why does he have to look so good? This is going to make today so much harder.   
“Hi, welcome to my crib.” I say in an attempt to be funny.   
‘Hey, nice house.” I smile politely. “Um, sorry I took so long, I had to stop by my house to change.”   
“It’s all good.” I reply and lead him up to my room. My chest is pounding. I can barely breath. It is so hard to play it cool. No matter how hard I try, I just can't calm down.   
“How was school?” he asks me. What am I supposed to say?   
“It was okay, how ‘bout you?” He nods and says,  
“Same.” I wonder how long he’s staying over? I should ask but I don’t want to sound weird.   
Once we got to my room, I showed him my desk and brought out another chair. I keep the door open because making him uncomfortable is the last thing I want to do. He takes a seat and I sit about three feet away from him. I’m trying my best to maintain distance. Watching him in my room is such a strange feeling. This is my personal space and he’s in it. I don’t know what to say but this silence is deafening. What should I say? Oh! I should ask him what part of the project we should do first. Or should I offer him a refreshment? Ugh. I’ve already messed this whole thing up. Now he probably hates me.   
“You’re not gonna give me a room tour?” He enquires. This made me jump.   
“Would you like one?” I ask in response. He nods. I begin to show him around my room. He actually seems interested in what I’m telling him. When we get to my vanity, he picks up a tube of my mascara and rolls it around in his palm. Neither of us speak a word as he looks through the rest of my makeup collection. At one point he started squishing my beauty blender. I’m not going to question it, but I’m a little confused.   
“How long does it usually take for you to do your makeup?” He mutters, breaking the silence.   
“It depends on the look, I guess.” I answer shyly.   
“One of these days, you should do my makeup.” He jokes.   
Annoyed, I say, “Shouldn’t you have your girlfriend do that instead?” He sighs.   
“Yeah. I guess.” He scratches the back of his neck and now things feel awkward.   
“We should start watching the videos, for class.”   
We head back to my desk and open my laptop to watch the instructional videos. Because my laptop is sort of small, I had to scoot closer to him. My heart starts racing again and I look over at his face, for just a moment. Everything about him feels so calculated. I wish I could read his thoughts. I should probably focus on the video and not his beautiful face. This kind of sucks. I don’t even know how to act around him. He’s just so... good at everything. Now his phone is vibrating. I bet it’s Hannah, but I don’t want to ask.   
“Sorry, my girlfriend is calling me. I have to take this.” As he walks into the hallway, I try my best not to eavesdrop but I can hear them arguing. After an eternity (five minutes), he tells me he has to leave. Of course he does. I decided to walk him to my porch and go back inside. I don’t want to watch his stupid girlfriend pick him up from my house. Being a jealous person is so awful. I knew he had a girlfriend. I know he’s straight but I’m stupid and I have a crush on him anyways. At some point I hear Hannah’s car pull up and he exits my porch. I feel so stupid. Why am I even disappointed?   
…   
It’s been two weeks since Liam first came to my house. We’ve met up almost every school day since. One day, I even picked him up from practice, but that went poorly because all of his teammates teased him for hanging out with me. The weird thing is that he actually defended me? Things with the project are going really well. He is super smart so I’m not surprised. The past few weeks have just really changed my perspective on him. He’s a lot more complex than I thought. He is so much more than a stuoid womanizing jock that I once thought he was.   
On Friday, I went to his house for the first time because his parents weren’t home. This time, I was the one who got a room tour. His room is a little larger than mine, and his walls are painted a light blue-grey color. He has a queen sized bed and a desk for school work. His closet is opposite to his bed and he has a guitar in a corner of his room.   
“You play guitar?” I ask. He smiles, picks up the guitar, and begins playing a melody. “You’re really good.” I say enthusiastically. We make eye contact, but this time, neither of us break it. He grins and my heart starts racing again. I thought I was getting over my weird crush on him but this just made it a million times stronger.   
“What about you, James, do you play music?”   
“I sing, sometimes. Not well, though.” I laugh.   
“We should try to sing something together.” He suggests. Part of me really wanted to do a duet of some romantic ballad with him, but reality trumps my desires.   
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.” I say seriously.   
That was a really great day. Playing guitar was the most vulnerable I had ever seen him. I really wish he hadn’t picked up that guitar because now I cannot stop thinking about him. His warm golden eyes and adorable smile plague my every thought. Tonight he’s coming over to my house and we’re going to be finalizing our project. I’m excited for the project to be done but that also means that we won’t be hanging out anymore. He will probably forget I exist because to him, I'm just some guy he did a stupid project with. Now I’m sad. It’s so unbelievably frustrating because I keep wondering, “how did I let myself do this?” and all the blame falls on me. It’s not his fault that he’s so mystifying. It’s not Hannah’s fault either. It’s mine.   
Liam’s POV:   
Hannah just picked me up from practice to take me to finish my project with James, at his house. Tonight is the last time we’re going to hang out. For some odd reason, I feel nervous and a little sad. He is just so different than anybody else I’ve ever hung out with. He’s fun and passionate and so sure of himself. He acts like he’s never had a doubt in his life. He was born knowing who he is. I wish I was like that. Instead, I am constantly questioning myself and doing things only because that’s what is expected of me.   
“I’m glad that you’re almost done hanging out with him.” Hannah confesses.   
“What do you mean by that?” I question her defensively.   
“I just thought that being around him would make you uncomfortable. That’s all.”   
“And why is that?” She rolls her eyes at me. I know the answer. I look her in the eyes, attempting to find… something, anything, but there was nothing but sky.“Y’know what? Don’t answer that. Just drop me off.”   
When we arrive at James house, Hannah kisses me, but I don’t kiss her back. I feel nothing. Her eyes are sad. My heart drops. I feel like an asshole, because I feel nothing when I look at her, except sadness and resentment. James is waiting for me on the porch. I exit Hannah’s car without saying anything. He’s smiling and waves at me. I can’t help but to smile back.   
“Hey!” I yell at him excitedly, “What’s up dude? Excited for chemistry?” He smiles at my dorky comment. We head into the house and I help myself to a sprite from the fridge. I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable in his house, and around him. It’s a good feeling, like I can finally be myself, like I’m home. I’ve never felt like this before. James jumps onto the counter and stares at me, I can’t help but to stare back. His eyes are drawing me in. He’s mesmerizing.   
“Let’s go work on the project.” He commands.   
“Good idea.” I say.   
As we are finishing up on the project, I realize that these are the last moments I will be spending with James.   
“Hey, you should do my makeup before I leave.” My mouth exclaims before my head can process what I’m saying.   
“Are you sure?” I reassure him that I do want him to do my makeup. “Any look in particular?” He asks.   
“No.” I figure that since he knows more about makeup than I do, he should be the one deciding.   
He gets a bag of his makeup and forces me to wash my face, so I do. After both those things are done, we sit opposite each other on his bed. My hearts begin to race as his icy fingers caress my face. At this moment, we are closer than I have ever felt with another person. I feel like I can tell him anything, and he’ll listen. He tells me to close my eyes so that he can get concealer on my eyelids.   
“Liam, I have something to tell you.” I gulp. Is he going to say what I think he is? “When I first met you, I kinda thought that you were a shallow asshole.” Oh.   
“It’s because I am.” I respond honestly.   
“No, Liam, you aren’t. You’re so much more complex than I thought.” This makes me smile and I hope he doesn’t notice. Right now, he’s putting eyeshadow on me. Once prompted, I open my eyes and look at him. Our faces are so close that I can feel the heat radiating off of his. This is when the realization hit me. I’m gay.   
“James, I have to leave.” I practically ran out of his room. I don’t even bother trying to remove the makeup he’s already put on me. I need to go home, but I can’t call Hannah to get me. Not now. Not like this. I don’t even know how to tell her that I think I’m gay. This is awful. I have to walk home, practically in the dark, alone. One single tear falls from my eye. This day just sucks. I don’t mind gay people at all, but I can’t be gay? Oh my god, I might be gay. I’m the soccer captain. I can’t be gay. There’s no way.   
…  
Trying to sleep tonight is useless. A million thoughts run through my brain at once. I cannot believe I’m gay. I have a girlfriend! I have to break up with her. It’s not fair to her. Oh my God. Do I have to come out to people? Not yet. I will have to one day though. What are my parents going to think? My grandparents? My siblings? My teachers? My teammates? Everyone is going to judge me. Why does this have to be so hard? The worst part is that I probably ruined my friendship with James, the one person who might understand me, because I had to run off like a freak. I should probably just ignore him for a while, so that I can figure myself out. I feel awful. James has been nothing but kind and welcoming to me and I blew it. I just can’t believe I fell for him and didn’t even realize it.


End file.
